"No one wants or asks to go through trials, but sometimes picking up the pieces & putting yourself back together is how you come to find/ know you". - RCH (3.29.08)
I know it has been awhile and I apologize for letting life get in the way of connecting with you. It's been a rollercoaster ride since my last post, which is far from over, but I am praying to come out on top and to reach my goals, nonetheless...
All I've ever wanted in life was to be happy. I guess I have that in common with everyone else. I'm a simple person and don't ask for much, but what I would like is to be able to stand on my own, go out into the world and pursue the things that I've longed for for so long. Problem is I feel trapped. Like there's no way out of this maze.. I don't know where to begin or where my failure ends. I don't expect a prince or knight to come rescue me. They don't exist.
I do long for someone to prove me wrong... But, I've been trained to be the man and the woman, the mother and the father for so long that I wouldn't fit the role--A damsel in distress I am not. However, I am in distress for want of a better life for myself and my children, but I can't look to companionship/ a relationship as the end of my worries.
I can't put my finger on it... I am alone.
I can't control it... I am alone.
I can't deny it... I am alone.
Loneliness, which has been the norm and the battle that I face within myself as to why I'm in this state to begin with...
I started out writing in order to help you, but it is you who is helping me. As I strive to be all that I hope to be, you let me know that you care and I am not alone in this struggle to mend my broken heart.
Thank you Jennifer, Frederick, Carla, Ranjit & everyone else who has seen me through my words. You inspire me to continue on...
UNTITLED
When I close my eyes
I envision a world much different than my own
A world where I am surrounded
And yet still alone
I sense peace when tranquility passes my way
A stronger sense and urging draws my mind away
I open my eyes and see real life standing
I can't imagine why is it being so demanding
I can cut all ties
Fly away loose and free
But after it's done
Will I still be me?
- RCH (12.18.07)
**My first book of poems can be purchased by clicking the link, "Soul Emotional Vol. 1", on the left. As always I thank you for your continued support & God bless! :)
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crowd3rgirl,
ReplyDeleteYou should come on over to Common Dreams. It's even better than Alternet and lots of people, men and women, who share your pain and suffering would be happy to help you out. I've been to commondreams.org and I eventually admitted to so much lonliness and unhappiness. I nowdays read books on restoring confidence and overcoming unhappiness. Two of my favorite people who post on that site are SiouxRose and Moondoggy. Both are spiritually motivated and there's a lot to learn from them. SiouxRose I love because she's an excellent astrologer despite her getting paid less and being pained by having to live life as a single mother after her ex-husband abused her and left her to care for her grown children. Moondoggy I love because he won't let anyone feel sad in life and besides being an organic farmer, he won't take no for an answer even when we're stuck in a politically dysfunctional climate. She's very good at associating astrology with the current events and she would welcome you.
I've seen people from Alternet and others fed up with the cheesiness come right to Common Dreams. I would love to see you there and you would make an excellent addition to the growing membership. You are not alone and you can make it.
Hi Jen,
ReplyDeletethank you so much for the support. I will definitely check out that site. I have been really busy with school and home life that I haven't been online like I used to. SiouxRose and Moondoggy sound like very warm and friendly individuals :) I think Frederick also reccomend I check her out as well.
How has everything been going for you?
Enoy your 4th!
Hi Crowd3rgirl,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see you online again myself. It's been quite a mixture these past few months. I got sick in May and was rushed to the hospital from work while coughing blood but I did recover after a month. Regardless of the illness, I can only thank my stars that over the years I ate better and exercised daily or I might have been in worse condition or even dead.
The hidden and lingering unhappiness and lack of confidence is what I'm working on overcoming and I have been working on long term ideas. I have been reading books on happiness, confidence, astrology, and the likes. I have also comforted one of my best friends who had to flee her abusive husband, now divorced and in jail, and I learned even more lessons about marriage than I had thought. My parents have lessoned their conservatism somewhat and do visit my place from time to time. They're used to living the rural life but they respect the suburbs and the cities. In addition to my illness in May, my parents were also scared of my life after my car broke down on the highway and the engine nearly exploded. I get to work remotely from home at least until the end of summer so I can avoid putting up with the evergrowing miserable traffic hell every day going 45 miles to work and 45 back. Mornings are the worst but I usually leave late in the evening since I exercise and meditate at my gym club right near my office right after work for an hour and a half.
Happy 4th of July to you too. For yesterday and most of today, my family and I have been going out and will be doing so some more this evening. It's good to get away from the boring sides of life and try to enjoy the outdoors.
Love,
Jennifer Bedingfield :)
By the way, here's the link to Common Dreamsjust in case:
ReplyDeletewww.commondreams.org